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Moons Over Vulcan STNG 2
By J Theissen
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Moons Over Vulcan STNG 2
By J Theissen
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"Moons over Vulcan"
INT. voiceover - DAY
Captain picard
Captain's log, stardate 46345 point two. Planet Vulcan.
As Starfleet's representative, I have just finished attending a ceremony installing the new Vulcan Supreme Councilor. I shall now return to the Enterprise.
INT. ship hallway - DAY
(Wesley walks up behind Lt. Niles.)
WESLEY
Lieutenant?
Lt. Niles
What was that?
WESLEY
Lieutenant Niles?
LT. NILES
Oh sorry, didn't notice you Wesley.
WESLEY
Have you, like, seen the captain?
LT. NILES
I believe he's due to return from Vulcan any moment now.
WESLEY
Oh that's good. I like Captain Picard. He's cool. I like the Enterprise too. She's a good ship.
LT. NILES
Yes I suppose it is.
WESLEY
SHE is. You're traditionally supposed to refer to ships as 'she'.
LT. NILES
Well I don't.
WESLEY
Golly jeepers! Why not?
LT. NILES
Because it's weird.
WESLEY
I don't know. You're supposed to say 'she'. Maybe I should tell the captain. You may have to be disciplined.
LT. NILES
There's no need to bother the captain with that. Really, I mean...
Say, there was an attractive teen girl here a moment ago looking for you.
WESLEY
Was it Antoinette?
LT. NILES
Uh, yeah, sure, I think that was her name.
WESLEY
Jimminy crickets! I knew she would talk to me some day!
LT. NILES
Yes, well, run along now.
(Wesley hurries away.)
Sfx- door woosh
Sfx- transition music
HALLWAY
In a corridor aboard the Enterprise.
Commander Riker sees a lift door open.
Sfx- door woosh
Captain Picard walks out of the lift.
Commander riker
Captain Picard, you're back.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Indeed Number One.
CoMMANDER RIKER
Greetings. Or should I say 'Live long and prosper'.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Yes, very good Number One. I shan't do that Vulcan hand thing. Never did really get the hang of it you know.
ComMANDER RIKER
It is difficult sir.
I trust the ceremonies went well.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Oh yes. I paid my respects to new Vulcan Supreme Councilor Zardok.
Sfx- door woosh
Lift door opens, and Wesley enters the hall.
WESLEY
(moping)
Hello Captain Picard.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Young Wesley. Something the matter lad? You don't look your usual high-spirited cheerful self.
WESLEY
I was looking all over the ship for Antoinette. I finally found her in her room. But she didn't want to talk to me.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Mmm. Well...a delicate situation. Best not talked about.
WeSLEY
You see I'd really like to-
CAPTAIN PICARD
You know, Wesley, I believe I've just the thing for you. You've been doing a fine job as Acting Ensign, how would you like to be promoted to actual Ensign?
WESLEY
Golly jeepers von jing jang jimbally joo! Full ensign!
ComMANDER RIKER
Are you sure that's wise captain?
CAPTAIN PICARD
He has eagerly carried out orders and accomplished his duties with good cheer. Yes, this is just what the young chap needs.
ComMANDER RIKER
If you say so sir, then it must be a good idea.
WESLEY
Thank you so much captain.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Well then, be off with you to your duties, boy Wesley. Or should I say Ensign Wesley.
WESLEY
Thanks again captain.
(Wesley leaves the area in good spirits.)
Sfx- door woosh
Transitional music.
INT. BRIDGE OF ENTERPRISE
Counselor Troi enters the bridge, walking from the turbolift as the doors close.
ComMANDER RIKER
Deanna, hello.
Counselor troi
Hello Will.
Captain?
CAPTAIN PICARD
Yes Counselor Troi.
CoUNSELOR TROI
I hope you remembered the birthday celebration for Doctor Crusher.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Oh yes, of course.
CoUNSELOR TROI
It's taking place in Ten Forward.
DaTA
Birthday celebration?
CoUNSELOR TROI
That's right Data.
DaTA
Why do humans commemorate their day of birth?
CoUNSELLOR TROI
Well, it's something to celebrate.
DaTA
Why?
CAPTAIN PICARD
Tis simply the way of things Mister Data.
DaTA
What is the procedure?
CoUNSELOR TROI
Well, people get together, have cake, and give an appropriate gift.
DaTA
An appropriate gift. Hmm, I see.
CAPTAIN PICARD
You all run along to Ten Forward now. I shall be along momentarily.
ComMANDER RIKER
We'll see you there sir.
Riker, Troi, and Data leave the bridge through lift door.
Sfx- door
LT. NILES
Ship's reports for you to sign captain.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Very good.
By the way lieutenant, there's something of a birthday do going on in Ten Forward. For Dr. Beverly you know.
LT. NILES
Is she the one with the pretty long red hair?
CAPTAIN PICARD
Yes, but now, we mustn't use such incorrect sexist language and gender specific words.
LT. NILES
How's that sir?
CAPTAIN PICARD
"Pretty long hair". No no no.
You see, it is easy for me, an Englishman, to curb lascivious desires and install a disciplined frame of mind. I realize, as an American, these can be difficult for you. Nevertheless you must learn the proper way of things.
We must train ourselves to look past the attractive long hair and substantial bosoms and think of Doctor Beverly only as a medical professional.
LT. NILES
I'll try Captain.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Very well then. Let us then proceed to Ten Forward and commence with the celebratory festivities.
INT. teN FORWARD - DAY
Sfx- transition music
Sfx- background talking, clinking glasses
CAPTAIN PICARD
Well counselor, how is the birthday party going?
CoUNSELOR TROI
Everyone seems to be having a good time captain.
The crew need something like this from time to time. Keeps them fit psychologically.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Yes. We must maintain the crew as a well oiled machine.
How about you Number One? Having a good time?
ComMANDER RIKER
Certainly am sir. A wonderful idea of yours if I may say.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Didn't know it was my idea.
ComMANDER RIKER
If it was an excellent idea sir, it must have been yours.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Well at any rate- where is the good doctor?
Dr. Crusher
Here I am captain.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Enjoying yourself?
DR. CRUSHER
Very nice get-together.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Well well. We celebrate you Dr. Beverly. Our own woman doctor.
DR. CRUSHER
Just plain doctor is fine.
CAPTAIN PICARD
No no, credit to where it's due. You overcame your gender obstacles to become a woman doctor. And now you're the Enterprise's Chief Medical Officer.
A toast to Doctor Beverley.
(Everyone raises glasses and touches them to nearby glasses)
Sfx- clinking glasses
All
Doctor Beverley.
(Data arrives and walks up beside the doctor.)
DaTA
I hope I am not too late.
Dr. CRUSHER
Not at all Data.
DaTA
Here is your gift Doctor.
Dr. CRUSHER
How thoughtful of you. I'll unwrap it now...
(She unwraps the package.)
Sfx- wrapping paper unwrap
Dr. CRUSHER (CONT'D)
Um...uh...
(She holds a plastic anatomical model.)
ComMANDER RIKER
What is it?
DaTA
A gift appropriate to the occasion. A life-size replica of a womb.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Oh my.
ComMANDER RIKER
Haven't quite got the hang of the birthday gift thing yet Data.
(Worf arrives and walks up close to Picard)
WoRF
Excuse me captain.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Yes Mr. Worf.
Worf
Someone here to see you.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Someone to see me?-
(the captain sees someone standing there)
By Jove! Lucius!
Lucius picard
Jean-Luc.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Everyone- This is my brother, Lucius Picard.
LuCIUS PICARD
I was at the inauguration ceremony on Vulcan. I am the Royal Chamberlain of Arcturus Five you know.
CAPTAIN PICARD
I didn't know that Lucius.
LuCIUS PICARD
Indeed. One has one's important duties.
ComMANDER RIKER
Didn't know you had a brother sir.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Oh yes. We have traveled our separate paths over the years.
LuCIUS PICARD
Tis true. I attended superior schools, and I prefer to associate primarily with societies' elite.
CAPTAIN PICARD
He went to Oxford whilst I attended Cambridge you see, and frankly we often quarreled about that.
LuCIUS PICARD
I have attended both Eton and Oxford. But there is no reason at this time to debate the superiority of those two exalted institutions.
WoRF
Exalted institutions?
LuCIUS PICARD
Ah, a Klingon. One can safely assume that you have not graduated Eton or Oxford.
WoRF
No. Never heard of them.
LuCIUS PICARD
How dare you not ever heard of Britain's finest schools!
The man's a savage.
WoRF
Thank you.
LuCIUS PICARD
I don't know how you manage Jean-Luc.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Come now Lucius, nowadays it's not as important whether someone has attended a so-called elite learning institution.
LuCIUS PICARD
Blasphemy. A shockingly bad attitude coming from someone in your position.
I would have expected such foolishness from the Klingon but not from yourself.
CAPTAIN PICARD
There's no need to disparage Klingons or anyone else for that matter. You see, as a Starship captain I enjoy the rich cultural diversity and different ways of our crew. Klingons, androids, Americans, and so forth.
LuCIUS PICARD
Mmm. Your inferior so-called education is showing again.
Nevertheless, I require a few words in private. We have things to discuss.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Excuse us everyone.
(Jean-Luc and Lucius Picard leave Ten Forward)
Sfx- door woosh
INT. ten forward - DAY
ComMANDER RIKER
Interesting meeting the captain's brother.
WoRF
I don't care for him.
COUNSELOR TROI
He certainly is a character.
WoRF
The captain should slay him.
CoUNSELLOR TROI
Come come Worf, we can't kill people because of an argument over schools and universities.
WoRF
I would.
ComMANDER RIKER
You would kill your own brother?
WoRF
No. I'd kill Lucius Picard.
INT. hallway - DAY
Sfx- transition music
Both Picards in a corridor
LuCIUS PICARD
Let us talk Jean-Luc.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Certainly Lucius.
LuCIUS PICARD
But before we do, a question if I may.
CaPTAIN PICARD
By all means.
LuCIUS PICARD
You have plenty of experience in space travel.
CaPTAIN PICARD
Yes I do.
LuCIUS PICARD
Out there in the galaxy, are there, you know, them?
CAPTAIN PICARD
Hmm? Ah, you mean homosexuals.
LuCIUS PICARD
Correct.
CaPTAIN PICARD
Well sir, there are indeed. There are indeed.
As a Starship captain I meet all types of individuals.
Why do you ask?
LuCIUS PICARD
No reason. No reason, just curious.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Anyway, what did you wish to discuss?
LuCIUS PICARD
Members of the aristocracy, descendants of the Royal Family, and some Old Etonians have become the rulers of planet Arcturus Five. As I mentioned, I am the planet's Royal Chamberlain.
CAPTAIN PICARD
My stars. How did this come to pass?
LUCIUS PICARD
We became fed up with the ways of the Federation. We decided to take over a planet and rule the inhabitants correctly. A king, a queen, an aristocracy, an elite ruling class. You know, the proper way to organize society.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Could well be a violation of the Prime Directive.
LuCIUS PICARD
We are not members of Starfleet. We are not governed by your rules.
(Mr. Data strides into the hallway)
Data
Greetings captain.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Ah, this is Mister Data.
Data, this is my brother Lucius.
DaTA
Hello. Welcome aboard the Enterprise.
LuCIUS PICARD
Seems an odd fellow Jean-Luc. Undoubtedly a homosexual.
CAPTAIN PICARD
In fact he's an android.
DaTA
That is correct. As an android I can perform many useful functions. However I do not have feelings or emotions. I have no heart, as humans would say.
LuCIUS PICARD
You're a member of the Conservative Party then.
DaTA
I am not familiar with that organization.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Mister Data is actually quite a uniquely impressive individual.
LuCIUS PICARD
Where you schooled at Eton?
DaTA
No I was not.
LuCIUS PICARD
Oxford?
DaTA
No.
LuCIUS PICARD
And he certainly cannot be a descendant of the Royal Family. Therefore I am not impressed.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Thank you Data. That will be all.
DaTA
Aye sir.
(Data leaves the area)
Sfx- door woosh
LuCIUS PICARD
Join us Jean-Luc. Join us in building an ideal society. The properly educated ruling class in its rightful place. The Royal Family once again on the throne. Speaking Latin for official business.
We could use you and your ship.
CAPTAIN PICARD
No, I'm afraid I cannot be a part of this.
LuCIUS PICARD
Don't be a fool Jean-Luc. Get away from the lower class riff-raff. Be gone from those Federation bureaucrats.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Federation ideals are something I strongly believe in. I shall not betray them.
LuCIUS PICARD
Oh this is ridiculous! Intolerable. I must have a drink.
Good day.
(Lucius walks away to a lift, enters, doors close)
Sfx- door woosh
INT. teN FORWARD - DAY
Sfx- background music
Lucius holds a glass and drinks from it.
Wesley walks up to Lucius.
WeSLEY
Hello. Are you like Captain Picard's brother?
LuCIUS PICARD
I am.
WeSLEY
That's cool. I like Captain Picard.
LuCIUS PICARD
Jean-Luc is a fool. He's passing up an opportunity to be a part of a proper ideal society.
WeSLEY
I don't know anything about that.
LuCIUS PICARD
You didn't happen to attend Eton did you?
WeSLEY
No.
LuCIUS PICARD
Thought not. No, you wouldn't understand.
WeSLEY
Like, what are you drinking?
LuCIUS PICARD
Oh this. It's a bottle of something I picked up from some Dagoba traders. But what I really desire is some good Napoleon brandy.
WeSLEY
The replicator will give you what you want.
LuCIUS PICARD
Replicator?
WeSLEY
Yeah. It's right over there.
Can I try your drink?
LuCIUS PICARD
Yes yes. Take the bottle.
WeSLEY
Cool.
LuCIUS PICARD
Good day to you.
(Lucius heads over to the replicator)
WeSLEY
Bye.
Wesley drinks from the bottle left by Lucius.
WeSLEY (CONT'D)
Wow. This is great! I think I'll have some more.
Mmm. And I feel like so... funny.
I'm going to find the captain.
(Wesley, now a bit unsteady on his feet, sees Worf)
Worf. Worf dude.
WoRF
Yes.
WeSLEY
You're like, so... wierd.
(Wesley laughs.)
WoRF
Rrrr.
INT. captain's quarters - DAY
Sfx- door hail
CAPTAIN PICARD
Come in.
Door opens. Wesley, carrying the bottle, enters the captain's room.
Sfx- door
WeSLEY
Hi Captain.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Yes, young Wesley.
WeSLEY
I got some stuff at Ten Forward. Would you like a drink?
CAPTAIN PICARD
I must admit I am quite thirsty.
WeSLEY
I'll pour you a nice tall glass.
Wesley finds a tray with a couple large glasses on it. He pours from the bottle into a glass.
Captain drinks.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Mmm. But this is wonderful Wesley. Sort of a Rigilian peach nectar with something else added.
I must have some more of this refreshing beverage.
WeSLEY
There's plenty of it sir.
INT. sick bay - DAY
Sfx- transition music long
CAPTAIN PICARD
(subdued voice)
Captain's log: supplemental. One hates to admit it, but this morning I seem to have suffered a hangover. Even worse, I don't actually recall what I did last night after drinking with the lad Wesley.
Sfx- door woosh
Commander Riker enters Sickbay.
ComMANDER RIKER
Doctor Crusher.
DR. CRUSHER
Yes Commander Riker.
ComMANDER RIKER
How is Wesley feeling this morning?
DR. CRUSHER
He's sleeping it off.
ComMANDER RIKER
Did you find out what he was drinking?
DR. CRUSHER
I analyzed a sample from the bottle we found. The bottle was just about empty, but I was able to extract a few molecules.
ComMANDER RIKER
What was it?
DR. CRUSHER
Rigilian Mushroom Booze.
Commander riker
Oh oh. That would account for the unfortunate behavior.
DR. CRUSHER
Have you spoken to the captain?
ComMANDER RIKER
I'll do so now.
DR. CRUSHER
Good luck.
ComMANDER RIKER
Thanks.
INT. cAPTAIN'S QUARTERS - DAY
Sfx- door hail
CAPTAIN PICARD
Come.
Sfx- door woosh
Riker enters the room.
ComMANDER RIKER
I'm not intruding sir...
CAPTAIN PICARD
No no, it's alright.
ComMANDER RIKER
Hope you're feeling well.
CAPTAIN PICARD
I have a bit of what seems to be a hangover, but I shall be recover. I must confess I don't have a clear memory of what happened last night.
I was drinking a rather delicious nectar with young Wesley, then...well after that everything's blank.
ComMANDER RIKER
Dr. Crusher analyzed the remains of the bottle. It was Rigilian Mushroom Booze.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Oh dear.
ComMANDER RIKER
My thoughts exactly sir.
CAPTAIN PICARD
What happened to Wesley last night Number One?
ComMANDER RIKER
One doesn't like to tell tales sir.
CAPTAIN PICARD
As captain I must be informed.
ComMANDER RIKER
Well, Wesley was observed running around the halls saying "Antoinette, Antoinette. I'm Romeo, where's Antoinette"
CAPTAIN PICARD
Foolish boy. It's Romeo and Juliette, not Antoinette.
ComMANDER RIKER
Indeed sir.
Later he was seen pounding on the door of Ensign Antoinette Adams's quarters. He kept on insisting he was Romeo.
CaPTAIN PICARD
He must have been out of his right mind.
ComMANDER RIKER
Quite so sir.
CAPTAIN PICARD
And, Number One, what of myself? What did I do?
ComMANDER RIKER
Is it really necessary to go into all that?
CAPTAIN PICARD
Yes, I demand to know. Tell me the details.
ComMANDER RIKER
You opened an on-screen video communication with the Vulcan High Priestess T'Pau.
CAPTAIN PICARD
I did?
ComMANDER RIKER
Yes. You asked her if she had ever seen the twin moons of Uranus.
Then you...well...uh...
CAPTAIN PICARD
Go on Number One.
ComMANDER RIKER
Then you dropped your trousers and mooned her.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Oh no. Oh good heavens no. What have I done.
Let's go to the bridge immediately.
They both go to door. The door opens.
Sfx- door woosh
INT. bridge - DAY
Sfx- door woosh
Picard and Riker enter the bridge.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Mr. Data, prepare to leave orbit of planet Vulcan.
DaTA
Yes captain.
Captain, we are receiving messages from the Vulcan Supreme Council and also the High Priestess T'Pau.
Strange captain. Vulcans are considered to be unemotional, but these communications are quite, well, angry.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Thank you Data, but there's no need to go blabbing on about what the Vulcans are trying to say.
Just head away from the planet at maximum warp.
DaTA
Where to sir?
CAPTAIN PICARD
I don't care where, just go.
DaTA
Yes captain.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Engage!
DaTA
Aye sir.
ComMANDER RIKER
Captain Picard, what about your brother Lucius. He's still onboard.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Oh, put him up in a VIP room. We'll drop him off later.
And Number One-
ComMANDER RIKER
Sir.
CAPTAIN PICARD
Let us speak no more of last night's...unfortunate incidents.
ComMANDER RIKER
As you wish captain.
Theme Music
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