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The Search for Spock's Brain

 

This episode is the Star Trek Silver Anniversary Special

 

 

   Exterior shot of the Enterprise D in space, followed by an interior shot of the bridge.

 

WORF Captain, I am getting an urgent message from Star Fleet Command..

 

PICARD Put it on visual, Mr. Worf.

 

Cut to a shot of the main viewscreen.  A rather pompous looking Star Fleet Admiral appears.

 

ADMIRAL DUNSEL Hello Jean Luc, I am Admiral Dunsel

 

Riker smirks, Troi smiles and even Worf giggles. Picard looks stunned. Data speaks to Picard in a low voice.

 

DATA Captain, I believe “Dunsel” is Star Fleet Academy slang for a useless part.

 

PICARD Quiet Data! Admiral. What is the nature of the emergency?

 

DUNSEL We sent a special envoy to seek out new life and new civilizations and to boldly go where no where no envoy has gone before! This envoy was supposed to make contact with a new civilization. He was also going to be involved in critical negotiations with the Romulan EmpireUnfortunately, he has disappeared. Or at least part of him has disappeared.

 

PICARD Part of him has disappeared? Explain.

 

DUNSEL The special envoy is Spock. We found his body alive and well on Taurus 3, but his brain is gone!

 

DATA Hasn’t this happened before?

 

TROI Data, you used a contraction!

 

DATA No, I didn’t.

 

PICARD Mr. Data, maximum warp speed to Taurus 3.

 

Dramatic music and cut to opening credits.

 

 

 

                                                                      ACT I

 

Cut to a shot of the Enterprise D moving at maximum warp. This makes an exciting backdrop for the captain’s log voiceover.

 

PICARD Captain’s log star date 2929.29Star Fleet Special Envoy Spock is partly missing. We must recover his still alive body and find his brain. Without Spock’s help there could be interstellar war.

 

Cut a shot of the briefing room. All of the ship’s senior staff is present..

 

PICARD We are facing a serious crisis. Comments anyone?

 

RIKER It takes a lot of nerve to steal a brain!

 

LaFORGE I think this is all a bunch of bull. Nothing ever happens in the Taurus sector.

 

PICARD Any useful comments?

 

DATA  As you know, Spock is the son of Ambassador Sarek. Spock’s brain has been stolen before in the Original Star Trek series (tm).

 

PICARD Who stole his brain last time?

 

DATA  The brain was taken by a mentally regressive civilization. I believe they would be called scantly clad space bimbos.

 

                                          Riker looks eager, Troi kicks him.

 

DATA  But I am puzzled …

 

LaFORGE About what?

 

DATA  I assumed no original series characters were to be allowed on this show.

 

RIKER Data, it’ll raise the ratings!

 

WORF How do we find Spock’s brain? Who else would want it?

 

DATA  He could assume that it would be used by some other mental regressives to run and direct their civilization.

 

WORF The Ferengi!

 

RIKER  Even the Ferengi aren’t THAT stupid. It must be someone else.

 

                            Picard’s badge tweaks. He hits it.

 

O’BRIEN Captain,  a Star Fleet Admiral is coming to us via shuttlecraft. He’s supposed help in the search for Spock’s brain.

 

PICARD That’s unusual …. Coming by shuttlecraft?? I wonder who it could be?

 

The desk viewer in front of Picard activates. A Federation banner appears, followed by the face of Admiral Dunsel

 

DUNSEL I am sending you Admiral McCoy> He once had Spock’s Katra in him, so McCoy’s brain should be able to contact Spock’s brain. He will be your homing pigeon.

 

RIKER This is for the birds.

 

DUNSEL I’ve also sent an aid with him. Have you met Doctor Pulaski?

 

Picard looks horrified. He would rather be deprived Earl Grey tea for life rather than deal with Dr. Pulaski again..

 

PICARD Err … yes. When will they arrive?

 

DUNSEL In about ten minutes you’ll have three doctors aboard the Enterprise.

 

DATA  Wasn’t that a Doctor Who episode?

 

LaFORGE Data, you used a contraction again. Is something wrong?

 

DATA  But I didn’t use a contraction. Captain, I suggest we go to the shuttlecraft landing bay.

 

TROI The admiral is already here. I can sense his unique minds.

 

RIKER Minds? Are we talking about the royal we or the psychotic we?

 

TROI He still has a little bit of Spock left in him. That is why he is here.

 

They change into dress uniforms and arrive at the shuttle bay. Admiral McCoy slowly steps out of the shuttlecraft, assisted by Doctor Pulaski. McCoy starts speaking with a bit of a southern accent.

 

McCOY So y’all want me to find Spock’s brain.  What am I supposed to do?

 

TROI Spock will contact your mind since you once held his Katra. Spock will talk to us through you.

 

McCOY Will he now? Now, you listen to me, young lady. I’m a doctor, not a damned ham radio set!!

 

                            On that tense and dramatic note, cut to an Earl Grey tea commercial.

 

 

                                                                      ACT II

 

Shot of the Enterprise shuttle bay. The Three Doctors are slowly waking away from the shuttle craft. This is another good place for the captain’s log voiceover.

 

PICARD Captain’s log star date 2929.33. We have arrived at Taurus 3 and have picked up Spock’s body, who is now comfortably resting in sickbay. We must now depend on Admiral McCoy to find Spock’s brain and the rest of the plot.

 

Cut to a shot of the Enterprise Bridge. The Three Doctors have just arrived via the turbo lift. McCoy faces the main viewer. He opens his mouth and Spock’s voice come out.

 

SPOCK’S VOICE Can you hear me doctor?

 

McCOY, PULASKI, CRUSHER  Who?

 

McCOY I think he means me. Spock, why are you talking through my mouth? Are you trying to be funny?

 

SPOCK’S  VOICE That would never occur to me, doctor. However, your mouth is an excellent  resonant cavity and loudspeaker.  I believe your directional reception of my brain waves is similar to that of an old style ferrite radio antenna.

 

McCOY What does that mean in plain non-Vulcan English?

 

SPOCK’S VOICE If you face towards the direction of my signal, your reception should be strongest. If you face perpendicular to my location, your reception will be weaker. I will send you a steady tone.

 

As McCoy opens his mouth, a steady 5000 hertz tone comes out. Data slowly turns the Admiral and notes changes in the tone loudness. McCoy looks disgusted with the whole procedure.

 

DATA The correct course for Spock’s brain is 29 29 mark 29.

 

PICARD Data, set a course in that direction. Mr. LaForge, I want maximum warp speed now!

 

LaForge’s voice is heard over a speaker

 

LaFORGE’S VOICE You’ve got it! But, I should warn you ….

 

PICARD About what?

 

LaFORGE’S VOICE The Enterprise’s four year warranty expires in two days. It could mean trouble.

 

PICARD I’ll talk to Star Fleet about that.  Mr. Data, engage.

 

Picard does Johnny Carson golf club swinging bit.

 

PULASKI Nice to see you again, Captain Picard.

 

PICARD The feeling is not mutual, doctor!

 

PULASKI And why not?

 

PICARD Because it’s a bloody nuisance having you around! You always interfere with ….

 

He is interrupted by Worf

 

WORF Captain, long range sensors have picked up a large, strange object moving at high warp speed.

 

Data speaks to Pulaski and Picard

 

DATA But please continue the petty bickering. It was most interesting.

 

Cut to a shot of the main viewer. The object looks like an intricate crystal. Parts of it glow with sporadic flashes of light.

 

DATA It is the Great Crystalline Entity that destroyed all life on Omicron Theta.

 

RIKER But what is it?

 

TROI I can sense nothing from it.

 

McCOY Young lady, you couldn’t sense Tabasco sauce on red hot chili peppers!

 

DATA It appears to be silicon based life, with an outer crystalline shell and a conducting inner core.

 

PICARD But we have had peaceful relations with silicon based life forms in the past.

 

DATA Including the Horta in the original series. Did you know the Horta have taken up gardening?

 

PICARD Oh, really?

 

DATA Of course. That is why it is called horticulture.

 

We hear groans from the rest of the bridge crew.

 

DATA Sorry. I have been trying out my humor on the holodeck, again.

 

Riker replies with a grin.

 

RIKER Mr. Data, please keep your day job.

 

Picard straightens out his uniform as he is talking.

 

PICARD Agreed. Is there anything more about the entity?

 

DATA The Great Crystalline Entity is best described as living rock.

 

WORF Captain! There is another Crystalline Entity behind us! Closing at high warp speed.

 

PICARD What is its destructive capability?

 

As Picard says this, the Enterprise his hit by a bolt from the entity in front of the ship. The bridge is shaken by the attack and Worf stubs his toe.

 

PICARD Damage report.

 

WORF Shields are down to 60% and I have stubbed my toe!

 

PULASKI A Klingon warrior would not complain about a stubbed toe.

 

WORF But that’s my line! The creature behind us is also attacking.

 

Another bolt hits the Enterprise. The interior lighting dims slightly. Another bolt hits and the bridge shakes some more.

 

WORF Shields are down to 25%! They will not withstand another hit.

 

Yet another bolt hits the ship.

 

WORF Shields are down.

 

LaFORGE’S VOICE (over speaker) LaForge to bridge. The warp drive is out and impulse engines are damaged.!

 

PICARD What are our options? And please don’t say “surrender”.

 

DATA we are caught between two living crystals or two living rocks. I would say we were caught between a rock and a hard place.

 

We hear groans from the bridge crew and cut to commercial.

 

                                                        PLACE COMMERCIAL HERE

 

Cut to a shot of a chessboard, with close ups of the chess pieces.

 

ANNOUNCER In the past, ,the Franklin Mint has given you the Star Trek chess set and the Civil War chess set, all in fine pewter. Now, celebrating twenty five years of Star Trek, the Franklin Mint proudly presents the Klingon Civil War Chess Set. Each piece is in finely crafted silver plated pewter.  For the pro Federation Klingons we have Gowron as king. Worf and Kurn are the rooks.

 

We see a close up of these pieces as they are mentioned.

 

ANNOUNCER Notice the exquisite detail on Worf’s sash and in Gowron’s bug eyes. For the anti Federation Klingons we have ALL of the Duras sisters as the queen and Duras’ bastard son is the king.

The pieces will come every other month, with the incredibly low price of $99.99 for each one. If you buy this fine set, we guarantee you won’t get rooked!

Dilithium chessboard not included .

Void where prohibited by law.

 

 

 

 

                                                                      ACT III

 

 

ANNOUNCER Warning!  This act contains a Gratuitous Product Placement Scene. Viewer discretion is strongly advised. .

 

Cut to an external shot of the Enterprise  and two Crystalline Entities. The entities are still firing bolts of energy at the Enterprise. Cut to an internal shot of the Enterprise Bridge.

 

PICARD Picard to engineering. How long before warp drive is restored?

 

LaFORGE’S VOICE It should be working NOW, but is isn’t. Those creatures must have some general energy damping field.

 

McCOY Believe me, every menace has those energy damping whatevers!

 

PICARD What can we do about the Crystalline Entities?

 

LaFORGE’S VOICE Let’s hope the writers can find a way out of this mess!

 

RIKER Well, what are our options? Do we have any?

 

McCOY It ain’t over ‘till the fat lady sings, son.

 

McCoy’s mouth opens  again. This time, Spock’s voice comes out.

 

SPOCK’S VOICE An excellent idea, doctor. We will use sympathetic vibrations to shatter those crystals.

 

McCOY I don’t care how sympathetic they are! Even I know sound can’t travel in the vacuum of space!

 

SPOCK’S VOICE You will sing a note that will be used to modulate conventional radio waves. The waves will be beamed at the creatures. Those crystals have an electrically conducting core that will respond to the waves. At the resonant frequency, the crystals will shatter.

 

DATA Just like Ella Fitzgerald in the old Memorex tape commercials.

 

McCOY How can this work? I’m a doctor, not a prima donna!!

 

SPOCK’S VOICE I would dispute that. Just sing the highest note you can. I will help you.

 

PICARD Mr. Worf, prepare to broadcast conventional radio signals to the Crystalline Entities. Comments?

 

DATA The Admiral’s singing could cause considerable damage to the bridge and to our artistic sensibilities.

 

TROI Not to mention our ears,

 

McCOY would you rather hear Shatner sing?

 

Everyone is silent.

 

McCOY Good. Ready when you are.

 

McCoy opens his mouth and a high pitched tone comes out. The bridge starts vibrating and Picard’s cut of Earl Grey tea shatters. On the viewscreen, the Crystalline Entities are shaking apart. Soon, there is nothing left of the crystals but rubble. Amazingly, the Enterprise Bridge is still in one piece.

 

DATA Was it live or was it Memorex?

 

RIKER Data …

 

DATA Yes, I’ll keep my day job.

 

LaFORGE’S VOICE LaForge to bridge.

 

PICARD Picard here.

 

LaFORGE’S VOICE We have the wrap drive back and shields are at 100%. The bad news is every single wine bottle in the ship’s stores is shattered!

 

PICARD Number One, be sure that we stop at the Gallo system and the way back and pick up some real wine.

 

RIKER Will do. Geordi, give us maximum warp to Spock’s brain.

 

LaFORGE’S VOICE You’ve got it.

 

The Enterprise goes into warp drive with the usual flashy special effects. We then cut to Ten Forward where we see Keiko and Miles O’Brien playing chess. Guinan walks towards them and examines the chess board.

 

GUINAN Those are unusual chess pieces. One of the kings looks like Gowron, the leader of the Klingon High Council. And one of the rooks looks like Worf.

 

O’BRIEN It’s a Klingon civil war chess set.

 

KEIKO We bought it at a pawn shop on Zanak! It has a genuine dilithium chess board!

 

Keiko now looks directly at the camera.

 

KEIKO But you can buy one from the Franklin Mint!

 

Guinan looks disgusted. She tweaks her badge and contacts the bridge.

 

GUINAN Guinan to bridge

 

RIKER’S VOICE Riker here.

 

GUINAN We’ve just had a gratuitous product placement scene in Ten Forward. This area need to be quarantined.

 

RIKER’S VOICE I’ll send Worf down with a security team. Red alert!

 

Cut to an exterior shot of the Enterprise. A small vessel approaches the Enterprise and starts attacking. Cut to shot of the Enterprise Bridge.

 

PICARD Another obstacle? Can’t the writers be more creative? Mr. Worf, return fire.

 

WORF They have dropped our shields!

 

PICARD What kind of vessel is that?

 

WORF The ship’s transponder beacon says it is the Rip-off.

 

RIKER That sounds like the name of a Ferengi ship.

 

WORF Captain, we are being hailed.

 

PICARD On screen.

 

We see a short Ferengi in a leisure suit, with a big smile on his face.

 

ZOG I am DaiMon Zog of the Ferengi Trade Mission. We Ferengi believe in the free enterprise system. Therefore, we want the Enterprise for free! You will surrender your vessel to me!

 

We hear diabolical laughter, followed by dramatic music and then cut to commercial.

 

 

 

                                                                      ACT IV

 

 

We see an external shot of the Enterprise and the Rip-off. Next, cut to a shot of the Enterprise Bridge. Guinan has just arrived at the bridge.

 

GUINAN Let me handle this obnoxious little troll. I’m a friend of the Ferengi Grand Nagus.

 

PICARD You know the Ferengi leader? Very well, I’ll let you talk to Zog. Mister Worf, hail the Ferengi vessel.

 

WORF Aye, captain. DaiMon Zog is on the main viewer.

 

ZOG Do you wish to surrender your vessel?

 

GUINAN  No!  You’ve violated one of the Rules of Acquisition.

 

ZOG I have? Who are you?

 

GUINAN I’m Guinan. I tend bar and I listen.  I also happen to be a personal friend of the Grand Nagus.

 

ZOG Which Rule of Acquisition have I violated? I’m all ears.

 

GUINAN You’ve violated rule number 236: “Never use a bad joke to seal a business deal”

 

ZOG It wasn’t that bad!  I want the Enterprise and I want it now!

 

GUINAN If you had the Enterprise, what would you do with it?

 

ZOG I plan to discretely sell it on the black market.

 

GUINAN How are you going to do that? How are you going to discretely sell a Federation Star Ship? Now, listen. You let us go or I’ll tell the Nagus that you’re an honest businessman.

 

ZOG You wouldn’t dare!

 

GUINAN Try me. Let us go!

 

ZOG All right, I’ll let you go this time. I’m really very devious and dishonest!

 

Guinan leaves the bridge. After some time, LaForge arrives on the bridge. McCoy is being used again as a direction finder. There is a small course correction. After some time, we see a strange looking but almost familiar vessel on the view screen.

 

PICARD Analysis.

 

DATA The vessel appears to be patched together, using parts from many different technologies and races. It is also in the path to Spock’s brain.

 

LaFORGE That’s a Pakled ship. They’re about as sharp as a bowling ball and as dense as a neutron star!

 

PICARD Hail them, Mr. Worf.

 

WORF Pakled vessel responding. On main viewer.

 

The jumbled Pakled Bridge is visible on the viewer, along with the captain.

 

PAKLED CAPTAIN We look for things to make us go. Will you help us go?

 

PICARD All we want is Spock’s brain. We will give anything you want in exchange.

 

PAKLED CAPTAIN Brain and brain! What is brain?!

 

TROI I sense no intelligent brain on that ship.

 

McCOY I could have told you that! Spock, do you now know where your brain is being kept?

 

SPOCK’S VOICE I have known my brain’s location for the last two acts.

 

Mc COY Why didn’t you tell us?

 

SPOCK’S VOICE You never asked.

 

McCOY Well?? Where are you???

 

SPOCK’S VOICE I am being kept on the planet Remulak. You will arrive here in a few hours if you just follow your present heading.

 

The Enterprise easily bypasses the Pakled vessel and warps towards Remulak with the usual special effects. Then, cut to an interior shot of the bridge.

 

PICARD What is known about the life forms on Remulak?

 

DATA They are known to be humanoid but not much is known about them. They do import a very large amount of beer, soft drinks and snacks from the Federation.

 

After some time, the Enterprise can be seen entering orbit around Remulak. Cut to the sick bay. Crusher, Pulaski and McCoy are discussing how restore Spock’s brain.

 

PULASKI Let’s face it; none of us have the skills to restore a brain.

 

CRUSHER But all of us have different specialties. If we could pool our abilities together, we could do it!

 

SPOCK’S VOICE Simple mathematics tells me that three times zero is still zero.

 

The Three Doctors look upset, but none more so than McCoy.

 

McCOY Spock! You have a hell of a lot of nerve!

 

SPOCK’S VOICE Precisely. Right now, I am nothing but nerves.

 

McCOY Are you trying to be funny?

 

SPOCK’S VOICE I am simply stating facts. Hardly anyone in the galaxy has the knowledge to restore a brain.

 

Cut a view of the bridge. Worf has just hailed Remulak.

 

PICARD This is Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise, representing the United Federation of Planets. You have kidnapped part of a Federation special envoy. We want him back!

 

WORF Remulak is responding.

 

PICARD On main viewer.

 

On the viewer are three humanoids with cone shaped heads. At the center is their leader, Beldar. On his left is his wife Primat and his daughter, Connie, is to his right. Beldar starts speaking in a monotone.

 

BELDAR I am Beldar. What do you want, Earthling?

 

PICARD why have you taken Spock’s brain? Of what use is it?

 

BELDAR Spock was going to talk to the Romulans to prevent a war. By taking his brain, we hoped war would break out between the Federation and the Romulans. With this conflict distracting you, we would take over the galaxy.

 

PICARD Surely that isn’t the only reason.

 

BELDAR We also need the brain to run our protoid capsule factory, Excuse me. I must consume mass quantities.

 

Beldar takes a six pack of Coke cans, still tied together with plastic rings, opens all of the cans and drinks from each can. He then opens a large back of pretzels and stuffs the entire bag into his mouth.

 

PICARD If you put the Federation at war, you will be deprived your soda, beer and junk food. Do want to risk that?

 

BELDAR No, without them our civilization would collapse. However, I need more incentive to return Spock’s brain.

 

We see Riker and Picard talking in the background. Riker is shaking his head no.

 

PICARD I believe we have no choice, Number One, Beldar, I am prepared to offer you a Klingon Civil War chess set in mint condition.

 

BELDAR With a genuine Dilithium chessboard?

 

PICARD Yes.

 

Beldar looks eager.

 

BELDAR Deal! I will return Spock’s brain to you. We will find another way to run our protoid capsule factory. The brain is kept in the Cranial Dome. It is a large cone shaped building.

 

We cut to a shot of the transporter room. The Three Doctor’s enter the room with Spock’s body. O’Brien is at the transporter controls.

 

O’BRIEN I’ve found the brain. What are we going to do with it once we get it?

 

CRUSHER I have a way to restore Spock’s brain. But, it’s never been done before.

 

PICARD’S VOICE (from the bridge) What is it, doctor?

 

CRUSHER It uses the transporter, with ultra accuracy in the coordinates. We beam Spock’s brain back into his skull. If the coordinates are EXACTLY right, all of the nerves and blood vessels will be connected.

 

McCOY I think this is a bad idea! I wouldn’t trust that transporter to remove a splinter, much less restore a brain!

 

PULASKI I agree.

 

PICARD’S VOICE Hmm, another bogus use of the transporter. But Mr. LaForge tells me we haven’t had a bogus use of the transporter in five episodes. Proceed, Doctor Crusher.

 

CRUSHER Position Spock’s body on the transporter pad. You must beam the brain to precise coordinates in the skull.

 

Doctor Crusher shows the coordinates to O’Brien.

 

O’BRIEN I’m ready. If this doesn’t work, Spock will boldly go where no brain has gone before. 

 

O’Brien activates the transporter. There is some very dramatic music (after all, it is the show’s climax). There are the usual special effects. After the process is done, there is a long dramatic pause with more dramatic music). Then, Spock walks off the transporter pad.

 

SPOCK Thank you, Doctor Crusher. Your “surgery” worked.

 

Doctors Crusher and McCoy smile.

 

McCOY Spock, You’re alive!

 

SPOCK Obviously.

 

McCOY I can see you’re still the life of the party.

 

Fade out to closing credits as another Spock – McCoy argument starts.

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